So we now have 7 more days left. That's it!!!! Though , i really thought Monday night i was going to give birth in the Wylie Albertson's while Travis tried on Dallas Cowboy apparel marked 50 percent off. It seems like forever ago we started this journey to start a family, and now that its here i feel like I'm in a dream. I know no amount of parenting books or other mothers advice will prepare me for what lies ahead. I've always been a private person but feel like I need to share my journey to becoming a mom, because along the way I've been able to give hope to women who lost hope like i did. You see I thought I'd never have children and after fertility shots, fertility meds and 3 miscarriages I simply had no hope. We had tried for so many years to not get pregnant and then when we were ready came the devastation of loss and failure. We chose to remain private about all we were going through because there is really nothing anyone can say to make a person feel better after going through fertility issues. I hated God, hated myself, hated every pregnant lady that my eyes graced. I had the whole pity party lined up at all times for myself. The hardest day was when i knew i'd be losing a baby( the dr's office called the day before to say my blood levels shot down and i should expect to lose it any day) and i had to just wait for it to happen. The day i lost the last baby was Sept 1st my great grandmother's birthday, Granny. She had passed away the year before and had always been very close to me. She had always wanted me to sing at her funeral, Broken Wing, and when she did pass i knew there was no way i could do it live without falling to pieces. So dad and i recorded it in one take two nights before the funeral. I don't think I've ever sang a song with so much emotion, every note was dead on. The day i lost the baby i went to the dollar store to just get out of the house and of course in line was a pregnant lady chatting it up with the clerk about how wonderful it was to be pregnant. blah, blah, blah. I went to my car and lost it. When i finally composed myself and started the car the song blaring on my radio was, Broken Wing. I felt my heart just drop hearing that song I had sung at the funeral and knowing that my Granny's birthday was that day. I bawled listening to the whole song and at the end of the song the DJ came on and said thanks for listening to DJ Smokey ( which was what everyone called my Granny " Smokey") I felt like it was her way of letting me know it was going to be ok. The next month, after what was our last round of fertility meds we could safely take, i got pregnant with Memphis. I prayed every night that this time would take but in the back of my mind i still had to be realistic. I had already prepared myself for terrible news at my 6 week check up. But , this kid was a fighter and here we are 9 months later. We were given 2 choices of dates for a scheduled c section and i chose June 28th. When i called my mom to tell her the date she just got really quiet and told me it was my late Paw's birthday, Granny's husband. I know angels exist, I feel i have many watching over me. Memphis is my miracle, and i cant wait to hold him in my arms.
